Navigating Thanksgiving Gatherings with DBT Skills: Building Stronger Connections
Thanksgiving is a special time for gathering with loved ones, sharing gratitude, and creating memorable moments. But let’s be real—holiday get-togethers aren’t always smooth sailing. Whether it’s reconnecting with family you don’t see often, managing differing opinions, or handling strained relationships, the season comes with its challenges.
That’s where skills from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), like GIVE and FAST, can make a world of difference. These tools can help you strengthen connections, uphold your self-respect, and create a more positive experience during your Thanksgiving celebration.
Here’s how these practical techniques can transform your holiday interactions:
1. Strengthen Relationships with GIVE Skills
Thanksgiving is more than just a meal—it’s an opportunity to reconnect and nurture relationships that might not get as much attention throughout the year. Whether it’s a family member you see only on holidays or a friend joining your table for the first time, GIVE skills can help you build stronger connections. The 4 parts of the GIVE technique are: Gentle, Interested, Validate, and Easy Manner. These techniques focus on creating trust, warmth, and understanding, making your interactions not just enjoyable but truly meaningful. Here’s how:
Gentle: Keep your tone kind and patient, even if the conversation takes a tricky turn. Avoid sarcasm or criticism.
Example: If someone asks about a sensitive topic, try: “That’s an important question. I’d love to share more when the time feels right.”
Interested: Show genuine curiosity about others’ lives. Ask open-ended questions and really listen to their answers.
Example: “What’s been the highlight of your year so far?” or “I heard you started a new project—how’s that going?”
Validate: Let others know their feelings matter, even if you don’t entirely agree.
Example: “This year sounds like it’s been challenging for you. I really admire how you’ve managed to handle everything.”
Easy Manner: Keep the vibe light and friendly. Smile, laugh, and add a little humor where it fits.
Example: Share a funny family story: “Remember when we tried deep-frying the turkey and almost set the yard on fire? Let’s never do that again!”
By focusing on GIVE skills, you’ll create a welcoming, comfortable environment that fosters connection and makes everyone feel valued. These small but meaningful actions can transform the gathering into a space of mutual respect and shared joy, turning Thanksgiving into a truly memorable experience for everyone involved.
2. Maintain Self-Respect with FAST Skills
Thanksgiving is a time for connection, but it can also come with tricky moments that test your patience and boundaries. From unsolicited advice to heated discussions, these situations can leave you feeling drained or frustrated. The 4 elements of the FAST technique are, Fair, Apologize, Stick to Your Values, and Truthful. FAST skills are here to help you stay grounded and maintain your self-respect, ensuring you approach these challenges with confidence and balance. Here are some examples of how FAST skills can be applied to holiday conversations:
Fair: Treat yourself and others with fairness. Balance your needs with theirs.
Example: Feeling overwhelmed by hosting duties? Ask for help: “Can you give me a hand setting the table? It’ll make dinner smoother for everyone.”
Apologies (Minimize Them): Avoid saying sorry when it’s not necessary or for things beyond your control.
Example: Instead of, “I’m sorry dinner is late,” try: “Thanks for being patient—I really appreciate it.”
Stick to Your Values: Stay firm on what matters to you, even if it means setting boundaries.
Example: If someone pushes a conversation you’d rather avoid, redirect: “I’d prefer to focus on the holiday and keep things light. Let’s catch up about that another time.”
Truthful: Be honest and straightforward without exaggerating or sugarcoating.
Example: If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you might say: “I’ve had a busy week and might be a little quieter today, but I’m so happy to be here.”
With FAST skills, you can navigate challenging moments confidently and authentically while protecting your peace of mind. These techniques allow you to maintain a healthy balance between honoring your values and engaging meaningfully with others. By staying true to yourself, you can transform potential stressors into opportunities for growth and connection, making your holiday gathering both fulfilling and respectful.
Tying It All Together: A DBT-Informed Thanksgiving
Imagine this: A family member brings up a topic you’d rather avoid. These moments can feel tense or uncomfortable, but they also provide an opportunity to practice handling interactions with grace and authenticity. With both GIVE and FAST skills, you can steer the conversation in a way that feels respectful to both yourself and the other person. Here’s how:
GIVE: Respond with kindness and validation. “I understand you’re curious about that. It’s something I’m still working through, and I’d rather focus on enjoying today together.”
FAST: Uphold your values and avoid over-apologizing. “Thanks for understanding. Let’s talk about something fun, like your pie recipe—it looks amazing!”
Or, if someone seems left out during dinner:
GIVE: Show interest by engaging them: “I’d love to hear more about what you’ve been up to this year!” Validate their feelings: “It sounds like you’ve had a lot on your plate—thanks for sharing.”
FAST: Be fair by balancing their needs with yours: “I’m going to help with dessert now, but let’s chat more before the evening’s over.”
By combining these skills, you create space for connection while protecting your well-being. These techniques aren’t about avoiding challenges but about turning them into opportunities for mutual understanding and respect. With practice, moments like these can lead to deeper relationships and a more harmonious holiday experience.
Why DBT Skills Work for the Holidays
Thanksgiving often mixes joy and complexity. Using DBT skills like GIVE and FAST lets you foster meaningful connections, handle conflict with grace, and stay true to yourself. The result? A holiday where you can fully engage with others while honoring your own needs. By applying DBT techniques, you can navigate the day with mindfulness, respect, and confidence. Want to explore how these skills can enhance your relationships year-round? Ellis Psychiatric Healthcare is here to help you build deeper, more meaningful connections—not just during the holidays, but every day.
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**Disclaimer
The information provided in this article is for educational purposes only and is not intended to serve as medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider before beginning any new treatment, to ensure it is appropriate for your specific health needs. The use of this information is at your own risk. The authors and publishers assume no liability for any injuries or damages resulting from the use or misuse of this information. This information may not be suitable for everyone, especially those with pre-existing medical conditions, and it is essential to seek professional medical guidance before starting treatment.